Nightmares and Tarot
I had someone mention induction to me this morning and when I was planning on doing that. I lashed out a little, which I feel bad about (I normally have much better control over my emotions.) Seriously though, I am not even to 40 weeks yet, why should I even be wasting time on thoughts of induction. Baring a genuine medical concern I have no intention on being induced, least of all using pitocin.)
Maybe I am edgy because I had a lot of nightmares last night. I think they are due to something in my life that has been unconsciously stressing me becoming a conscious stress (family stuff.) Michael had to wake me several times because my nightmares were manifesting physically. They were mostly of the falling variety or ones where family was angry at me for trivial things (like buttering the wrong side of a grilled cheese sandwich first.) I have always been an active dreamer but I am more of a lucid dreamer so I am not use to the lack of control that comes with nightmares.
I drew three cards (I use the Celtic Dragon Tarot for anyone who is curious.)
Hanged Man
I feel that this card represents me at the moment. I am searching for answers by journeying within myself, I will not find the answers to these questions in anyone but myself. There are simple answers all around me, but in this case I do not feel they are best as they are quick fixes.
I am someone who needs to be in control of myself and the situations that confront me, when I am not fear and indecision can undermine my efforts. The Hanged Man reminds me that sometimes we need to relinquish the desire for control and that it is only then where stagnating matters will begin to more forward again. For me, it is a difficult battle, a battle of wills against my greatest opponent, myself.
Two of Swords
In the tarot, twos are associated with the High Priestess (a card found in the Major Arcana of the tarot) and because of this are linked to duality and instinctual knowledge. The two of swords, more specifically is used to represent tension and indecision, usually in the form of a stalemate that must be resolved by pulling down barriers piece by piece.
In my current situation this card reminds me of two important family factors in my life and my need to find some kind of balance between them, even if the answers are not as concrete as I normally would like.
The Moon
The Moon is the card of dreams and intuition as well as the card of illusion and deception. In the moonlight everything looks different and it can be difficult to tell what is real and what is just a manifestation of your fears.
Intuition is difficult for me. I like control and facts and intuition often seems to fly in the face of that. That said I am an intuitive person but plagued by the usual self-doubt that one normally confronts when dealing with it. The Moon lights a more subtle path, one that is traveled alone but that blinds my normal sense forcing me to rely on my inner voice and instinct rather then outside influences.
This has always been one of the more difficult cards for me to interpret as it requires me to dive deeper into my subconscious and the heart of a problem then I am normally comfortable doing. Sometimes it is easier (though only in the short term) to feel like the victim then to take on the role of the rescuer. Taking the initiative, no matter how hard, yields the longterm results that I desire though.
I don’t expect any of this to make much sense to anyone but myself, but I’m okay with that. As the cards suggest and I intuitively know, this is a journey that can only lead within myself.