Michael and Jaspenelle

Early Saturday Musings

I usually sleep in on Saturdays, and even more so when we stay up late feeding our Smallville addication. But this morning was different. About 6am, I woke up because the fan was blowing on me, and it had finally cooled down enough that it was uncomfortable. I tried to ignore it, but finally gave in and got out of bed to turn it off. I laid in bed trying to fall back asleep, but instead it seems I’m up for the day — my mind wouldn’t go back to sleep, it has been racing a million miles a second. It seems I am stressed about work, specifically maintaining country of origin labeling (COOL) codes in the computer. And I guess I should be, we have some 7000 item codes that need to be kept up to date. It was originally supposed to be a cooperative effort, the buyers working together with me to keep them maintained. But it seems somewhere they got it into their heads that I would be taking care of everything, updating the COOL codes from the bill of lading paperwork when the item lands. I took this up with my boss Thursday, and she said she would get back to me. I suspect I’m going to be stuck with it.

When I lay in bed awake on mornings like this, I am able to brainstorm and problem solve very efficiently. So now I have a plan to make my life easier when it comes to maintaining COOL codes - I will have to experiment on Monday to make sure it works. I am hoping it will, or I will have to have a part time assistant to get everything done, at least if they don’t want me getting overtime (they already start nagging on me if I even approach 40 hours).

After coming up with my solutions, I rolled over and cuddled with Jaspy, propping myself up and watching Damian sleep. Sleeping children are a beautiful thing. I think he was having a nightmare, though of what I have no idea, he has never had a traumatic experience. I wonder what he dreams of. His eyes are twitching, obviously in REM sleep. He startles a few times, makes sad faces, and makes a few sad sounds. What could make my baby-cakes so sad? It tears my heart out, so I stroke his face and he calms down. He wakes up a few minutes later, and Jaspy takes him potty.

Today, we are going apple picking, what has become a yearly tradition to celebrate the autumn equinox. The equinox is close, just a few short days away. The equinoxes and solstices have always been power days for me, when I reconnect, and re-balance, and re-evaluate my life. I can feel this one coming on, I feel the stress fading away and I an energized. This weekend is going to be good.

Mom

My brother called me today and the moment I realized it was him and the ton of his voice, my mind when “oh shit”. Don’t get me wrong, my brother and I do talk, he just normally doesn’t call me, especially not at 2am his time.

My mom was taken to the hospital via ambulance today for cardiac arrhythmia. She was driving in Indianapolis with my uncle and grandma when she started having problems. I don’t know much more then that right now. I am going to call my uncle shortly but I am super worried.

My mother and I just really started reconnecting after years. I was just on the phone with her a couple weeks ago. I’m not ready for anything bad to happen - though I doubt I will ever be.

Anyhow, any prayers, positive energy or whatnot would be appreciated.

Financial Obstacles

Let’s see, in the past three and a half weeks I’ve given birth, got a bladder infection (remember to stay hydrated people!), the van has broken down, Damian and I have gotten thrush and now Windigo has an eye infection, it looks like Aos is getting it too.

Seriously, is financial stress part of parenthood? Why does everything seem to go expensively wrong at the same time.

The gas pump died on our van a week ago and apparently a former owner replaced the fuel line with normal hose so it has to be replaced too (since it was leaking.) $700 for that. We broke down in a parking lot on our way to my two week midwife appointment, that was fun in the blistering heat. Our friend Shannon came and picked up Damian and I though (bless her) while Michael waited for the tow truck.

Damian and I have thrush at the moment (it is basically a yeast infection in his mouth that got transfered to my breasts.) I get chronic yeast infections so it is not too surprising but it is certainly not making the nursing experience pleasant. We are treating it though and it is starting to improve. I feel guilty for giving it to him, though I know it is really not my fault. though I could cut more sugars out of my diet (which hasn’t been the best this past few weeks…) I had forgotten till now how much my physical and mental self suffers when I do not control my diet better. It is more stressful emotionally then financially. It is making Damian’s bowel movements irregular, it is hard to see him struggle. I have been wearing him in the sling most of the day so that he feels secure, it seems to be helping.

I called the vet today and explained that we really couldn’t afford to bring the cats in but that I know what is wrong with them (they get this thing about once a year, it is a reoccurring herpes eye infection. They get it when they get stressed.) I said we would bring them in if we had to though, they are part of our family after all. Luckily the vet was really understanding and though he can’t give us the antibiotic without seeing them, he can give us an anti-viral gel. Michael is picking it up after work. We have never used this treatment on them so fingers crossed that it works.

Does anyone else has this problem with any of their animals? Is there anything preventative you do for it (other then trying to keep them low stress?)

The +90F heat isn’t helping any of this. We don’t have screens so we can’t open the windows to get a breeze going (we only have AC in one room) the cats would get out if I opened them as is. I called the landlady about it today and tried to be as polite as possible. She was also understanding (I am thankful for all these small miracles) and is going to see what she can do about it.

I am wondering what will happen next and how we will get through it. I know we will, we always do, and if anything this makes Michael and my relationship stronger because it shows us how much we need each others support. I am quite an optomistic person but this is even dragging me down I guess.

This will probably be amusing to some, but when I am feeling down I love listening to Walking in Memphis to calm my mind. It is such a beautiful song. Marc Cohn has such and amazing voice. Music is a force more powerful then the darkest mood in my life.