1:53 pm
(I think it is funny that Aos is the only one looking at the camera…)
I know this is going to sound horribly petty, but I am really tired of gaining weight.
I know, I know… It is because of the baby and I can loose it afterwards but for some reason it is really getting me down today. Might be because of the guy who called me a fat cow on the bus plaza escalator today. The women standing behind me ripped him a new one after hearing it but still. It bugged me.
I took the stairs back down after, just thinking about the escalator made me want to cry. Oh well… I suppose that it is better for me to take them anyways. I get really winded really easily lately the baby is sitting so high, I am sure I have lungs somewhere in there… I am really looking forward to the baby engaging, even if that does crush my bladder.
Then I got stuck beside a meth addict on the bus and she was picking her scabs and fidgeting. Though I feel sorry for the situation she has found herself in, I had to move. It was driving me nut and I wanted to yell at her that she was throwing her life away. Which wouldn’t have helped her, it would have made me feel bad if I had anyhow.
I’m just so tired, it is really hard to get restful sleep anymore and I have to get up at 4:45 every morning for work. I put in my two weeks at work yesterday, somehow it made me feel weak to do that though I know it was the right choice for me. I expected to stay till the end of May. Maybe I am being too hard on myself.
I am randomly emotional lately too, it makes me feel like I am losing my mind. I am happy 95% of the time but that 5% really sucks. I was holding a baby quilt my mother-in-law made when I got home and just started crying and I couldn’t stop. I wasn’t sad or lonely, I just wanted to cry, so I did. Michael’s support helps beyond words of course but I know my mood swings are not the easiest things to handle. He tells me without prompting how beautiful I am and how much I mean to him. I know he means it and his sincerity feels so beautiful. It makes me feel beautiful too.
I am so ready to meet this baby.
6 more weeks.
I just want a hug.
2:01 pm
With my luck today I am afraid to even boil water, the kettle will probably explode. If I go outside I bet a monkey will attack me!
Seriously, what is up with today? Nothing has gone right. I slept like crap last night and when I did doze off I had delirious nightmares and this sciatic thing is hanging on like a tick and I have the worse case of heartburn ever and my customers were horrible and some random guy tried to touch my stomach (my oversized work coat no longer seems to hide the baby belly or the guy had creepy pregnant homing instincts.)
But the cherry on all this is when I went to get an extra key cut for the mail box today I realized that I had lost my bank card.
Oh joy, I loved facing phone tree hell to get that canceled.
Meh.
2:41 pm
I found this one Body, Soul and Spirit. For an online quiz, it is pretty accurate…
You’re the time of day right around sunrise, when the sky is still a pale bluish gray. The streets are empty, and the grass and leaves are a little bit sparkly with dew. You are the sound of a few chirpy birds outside the window. You are quiet, peaceful, and contemplative. If you move slowly, it’s not because you’re lazy ? it’s because you know there’s no reason to rush. You move like a relaxed cat, pausing for deep stretches that make your muscles feel alive. You are long sips of tea or coffee (out of a mug that’s held with both hands) that slowly warm your insides just as the sun is brightening the sky.
~~~
UPDATE:
March 4th - 6am
I might mention when I don’t get enough sleep for now reason and wake up grumpy and as of yet decaffeinated I am twilight. Of course on mornings like this I just want to snap that damn alarm clock plug right out of the wall because on mornings like this is it is bane of my existence.
Your exact moment of the day is always changing, because the sun never sets at exactly the same time. You are the romantic moments just after sunset when it’s still light enough to see your way around outside, and the sky is a blend of reds, pinks, purples, and blues. At this time of day, the light has a special way of making even rundown buildings looks like works of art. You’re like that, too ? you’re always finding beauty and magic in unexpected places. Not only will you wish on the first star you see, somewhere inside, you actually expect that wish to come true.
Have a nice day!
2:58 pm
I suppose it is 2008 now isn’t it?
Tomorrow I have my second ultrasound, I am excited. Now that is a way to bring in the new year! On new years eve though Michael and I stayed home for New Years, ate fruit tart and watched Firefly. It was cozy, fun and relaxed (and mmmm fruit tart!) I made Michael his first Mimosa too.
I didn’t make any resolutions, I tend to make them as it occurs to me that I need to change, not just at one time of year. Besides I am so unmotivated in January I know I would totally break them! Hehe.
Speaking of which, I think I am going to take a nap.
How was your new year?
8:15 pm
What do you do when you are tired but can’t sleep? The herb Skullcap works but I am trying to keep the herbal remedies to a minimum during my pregnancy.
While not quite as cuddly as curling up with a paper book, I read ebooks. Staring at the computer screen wears my eyes out more somehow. I was reading “Confessions of an English Opium-Eater” by Thomas De Quincey (why didn’t we get to read stuff like this in school?) and I thought I would pause and blog for a few minutes. Was the author actually on opium when he wrote it?
I find a lot of my free ebooks on Project Gutenberg since all their books are public domain, which means they are almost all old, but I like the classics.
Anyhow tiredness just struck me so I think I am off to bed.
How is everyone? Any big plans for the Winter Solstice/Christmas?
