Bridges and Circles
I have recently reconnect with a couple people in my family. It feels really nice to touch base again, because one of these people has been someone I could always talk to about anything without fear of being mocked or the “I’m right and you’re wrong” debate. At the same time, this all is utterly nerve wracking.
You see, a few years ago in my drive to break free from the life I was living, I pretty much perfected a method of burning bridges. So I guess, to a certain degree, I do not feel I deserve their trust again. I’ll also admit that I might be a little wary of hidden agendas, apparently my ability to trust took a hit too. I have changed so much, how much have they changed? Will they still see me the way I once was?
Still, I think it is worth taking the chance. Besides, it is not like I can get dragged into any family disputes anyhow. My nearest family is in Indianapolis (as far as I know.) Most of the rest are in either in Ontario or Mexico. My mother lives in a place in Ontario with little phone or internet access and my father and brother are the furthest. They live in the UAE which is, oh, 12 time zones away (how is tomorrow going Dad?) Ironically I talk to my father most often, since we both have skype now.
The other day it occurred to me, but for a handful of people, I hardly know my family, both my mother and fathers side. On facebook all these people friend me and I know we are related but beyond that I know virtually nothing about them. I suppose this is the sacrifice required for moving around as much as I did as a child. Not that I am complaining! I wouldn’t change my upbringing for the world, it has made me who I am.
Part of my brain says Damian should know his heritage, though I honestly am not sure if he will miss not knowing most of his biological family from my side, growing up I really didn’t miss it (until now.) He definitely does not have a shortage of local family. Most of Michael’s family lives within two or three states of us and his parents and all his siblings are within a couple hours. We also have our “framily” (friends who are like family,) in fact we are going camping with his “Aunt” Shannon and her daughter in a couple weeks. His goddessparents, Michelle and Mikcos are also local. My framily are for the most part also my spiritual circle of friends.
Still, I yearn for the family stories that I can share them with Damian as he grows - my Samhain family stories are woefully few. Honoring the ancestors is a very integral part of my faith, which is funny because I know virtually nothing about mine. I want him to know of the ancestors we set the extra place at the table for.
So I hope bridges can continue to be mended, and perhaps made into circles, so that history and laughter can be shared again (or in many cases, for the first time!)
