Michael and Jaspenelle

Willow Bay

I might have a special place in my heart for Willow Bay because it is the first place I met Michael’s parents, almost 5 years ago now (wow, time flies…) A lot has changed since then but I still love that place. Willow Bay Resort is right on the Spokane River near Nine Mile (and about 45 minutes from our home.) My in-laws have a membership there so that they “camp” in one of the trailers on the grounds, but you can also pitch just tent.

On Friday Michael and I took Damian up there for the first time. Not to camp, but just for a nice dinner picnic with his family. We drove through quite a few rain showers on our way, but it was beautiful for the whole evening once we arrived. My father-in-law, Greg, grilled up steak for dinner and my mother-in-law, Kim, made her wonderful potato salad. Damian had lots of fun hanging out with his cousin Emily and running around like the crazy nature loving maniac he is.

I think it is so important for children to spend time as possible outside. Damian and I hang out in the backyard, go on walks and play in the park several times a week (if not every day.) Damian adores the outdoors, it fills him with more life, smiles and laughter then anything on the tube ever could. It also wears him out more and makes for longer naps, which I love (does that sound horrible?) since they give me time to blog!

So what is my favorite part of Willow Bay? I love it all but if I had to pick one thing, it would be all the colorful birdhouses. There are three of four of them on almost every tree along the main path. It looks like children painted most of them, which always makes me smiles. I think Damian will like projects like that when he is older. This is my favorite grouping of birdhouses (probably because of the sign):

Michael has the next few days at work, so you can probably expect another nature loving post soon as we are going to the annual Pagan Campout at Priest Lake this weekend. I am almost finished a garden update too (everything growing so fast!) but I have to wait for the rain to let up to grab some new photos. Oh and as always you can find more photos from our evening at Willow Bay in our photo gallery.

The Family Centered Weekend

In one of my Aunt Ruth’s recent blog posts she asked: “Do you enjoy summer picnics, with your family or community? Or am I right in thinking they are becoming a thing of the past?” Which kind of inspired me to write this entry, though I do not get to answering her question until later.

This weekend was very busy for us. After Michael came home from work on Friday, we turned around and left to take Damian to his one year check up. He is doing fantastically well. Dr. Kincaid was amazed by his height, how well he is walking and all those teeth.

I’d like to say I was totally present at the checkup but I was a bit out of it since I had a migraine. I would just like to say that there is a difference between a headache and a migraine. When I say I have a migraine it means that bright light and noise causes pain so intense that I vomit continuously. I have gotten then for as long as I can remember but I know most of my triggers so I can prevent or at least reduce the intensity of most of them. However I cannot avoid them at three times, when I menstruate, when I ovulate and, apparently, when I am in my first trimester of pregnancy. I had them with Damian and now I have them again. I have been getting them one to three times a week (or rather once a week for three days in a row…) I cannot take any medication that would take the edge off since I am pregnant. However, I have discovered relief. Obey the Cravings. If I obey my cravings 80% of the time they go away.

So after the doctor, Michael took me to Panda Express (Chinese fast food place) since I was craving white rice and steamed veggies. You would think I would have eaten rice and veggies on Wednesday when the migraine began to manifest but I guess the cure just seems so ridiculous to me that I always think it won’t work (last time the “cure” was Dick’s hamburger and fries. Mmmm healthy…) Anyhow the migraine was gone before I finished eating, leaving me with just a blissful (and I mean that) headache.

So then we came home, and since I was feeling all renewed, we tossed some stuff in the van, turn around and drove out to Willow Bay for a second dinner of steak and potato salad with Michael’s of the family. (I am going to blog about that separately so I can profess my deep love for getting out of town and pretty bird houses.) But I wanted to answer my Aunt Ruth’s question. I throughly enjoy summer picnics with family, we actually do a potluck on the third Sunday of every month with Michael’s side so that we don’t fall out of touch. I do think those type of events seem to be falling out of favor with my generation though, maybe in favor of the thing we did on Sunday, but I’ll get to that in a moment.

On Saturday we shopped, and then shopped some more and then shopped… We are going to a big three day campout next weekend so we had to pick up everything we needed for that and did our monthly Costco trip. We also stopped at Michael’s work and bought a 14 count case of organic broccoli, a 10lbs box of local organic snap peas and a 25lbs box of rainbow rotini (pasta salad season!)

On Sunday we ended up running out for a few more things and I processed the aforementioned case of broccoli for freezing. (My feet hurt.) And then went to see more “family” since Andrea and Peter invited several of our friends over for dinner. Homemade gnocchis, strawberry rhubarb pie, fruit salad… Yummy! I brought broccoli (surprise!) and carrot salad. Did I mention that there was pie?

So now I want to add on to my answer to my aunt’s question. I think staying connected to family is important, but I also think, as far as my generation is concerned, the term family has grown beyond biological (enough so that there is the newer term out there combining friends and family, “framily”.) I know that I do the things with my “framily” that I would do with family. We go on picnics, meet up several times a month, go on camping trips, have potlucks, share some holidays together… Our closest friends are Aunts and Uncles to Damian rather then just our friends.

I enjoy family and framily gatherings, but I do think the generational family gatherings are falling out of favor these days in favor of “framily” gatherings. I can see why some people have drifted with family gatherings, you can chose your friends but you cannot chose your family. In a lot of ways it is often easier to be who you are and find acceptance among like-minded friends rather then family that might have preconceived notions of you formed during your youth. However, I think we forget that even though families have their own squabbles, that there is a unique kind of love that can only come from those you were surrounded by growing up. There is a whole set of learning experiences stems from interacting with family. We have to understand where we came from to know where we are going. At the end of the day there is room in my life for family and framily and I deeply love and enjoy both.

Why Not?: Association Meme

Comment to this post and I will give you 5 subjects/items that I associate you with. Then post this on your blog and elaborate on the subjects given. Link the post to me if you do this meme so that I don’t miss it!

Or if you want, just comment here on five things that you associate with me and I will share my thoughts on what you say. I will only comment on each thing once though, (but I don’t mind if you say something someone else said!)

Zyleeth said:

Family: This is definitely one of the most important aspects in my life, though my definition of family is not necessarily defined by blood relation. In fact I think, for the most part, blood ties are a very shallow reason to want to be around someone. I have friends who are family to me. I don’t need to agree completely ideologically or spiritually with a person for them to be family, but I do need to feel welcomed, respected, and the other person needs to have an open mind.

Intelligence: How flattering! I suppose I do have a decent head on my shoulder. I really like to have a plan and to work through all the possibilities in my mind before executing an important task. That said, I trust my gut a lot of the time when results could fall either way.

Passion: Ice ice baby! Wrong kind of passion? I certainly have a passion for life, I adore this little blue ball of life we are riding around the universe. Greatest rollercoaster ever. I have some topics I am more passionate about then others of course, like homesteading and green living, but I love learning about just about anything. I am passionate about people too, I love meeting new people and hearing their stories. I truly believe we can learn from every experience, good or bad.

Phoenixes: Ah, Zyleeth knows! I adore phoenixes, though my views of them are not necessarily traditional. My avatar is a water phoenix, an blue, silver, orange and gold beauty with trailing tails erupting out of the ocean (or river, or well… not puddles though) dripping with flame and water. A symbol of rebirth from the Earth’s womb of course, as well as a reflection of the more mercurial aspect of my subconscious.

Spirituality: I am an intensely spiritual person, and I tend to view almost all parts of my life as some aspect of my spirituality. I am also a very open person so if people ask I will freely discuss my beliefs. Family, living with respect for to the earth, community and ancestor veneration are probably the most important facets of my spirituality. I do not put much faith in deities, nor do I see them as all powerful, but I do believe in wise spirits and they have my respect. When seeking other like-minded people I tend to connect best with Pagans and other Earth-based spiritualists, but I like that I can find common ground with almost any faith (though they do not necessarily see the same correlations.)

Zuca said:

(He also elaborated on each other items in his comment which he didn’t need to do, but is a pretty cool read.)

Belief: See Zyleeth’s list (spirituality.)

Hard Worker: I love having results, so I guess I am a hard worker, that said, if I do not really want to do something, I really won’t. Like right now, I could be cleaning the kitchen, but I would rather be answering this meme. It is important to kick back and have fun too.

Intelligence: See Zyleeth’s list.

Optimism: Probably one of my most recognizable personality traits is this. I am often the incurable optimist, oddly enough, it is not because I necessarily am inside, but it is because someone has to be, and optimists are in short supply in the world. More often then not it is harder to see the good in people then the bad so it is a personal challenge for me too. Besides I heard optimists live longer.

Stubbornness: I would be lying if I said I was not stubborn, but I’ll pick it over being walked on. Generically speaking people seem to correlate optimism with doormat and think I will be a pushover. Little do they know, mwahahahaha! Seriously though I can become really pigheaded if I do not watch it, especially when I have a new idea.

Presents!

I made out like a bandit this Winter Solstice! I got…
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Hate and Tolerance

“In the practice of tolerance, one’s enemy is the best teacher.”
- the Dalai Lama

Michael and I have a very long conversation after his post about spirituality and love and hate. Michael’s recent post has naturally caused its own degree of uproar, I expected as much, and not unjustly. If the a church (LDS or not) had given money to try to remove womens’ rights or black rights would we be having this conversation or would people see that as hate? The bibles might say that being gay is bad but it also has a ton of other rules people do not follow, for example we do not execute brides who are not virgins (Deuteronomy 22:13-21) nor are widows who’s husbands died before they can have children forced to be impregnated by the late husband’s brothers (Mark 12:18-27) thank goodness right? Anyhow, the purpose of this post it not to discuss the bible or gay rights.

I think the 14th Dalai Lama is an amazing man and his teachings ring true to my soul. I try to let his teachings on compassion be the foundation of my actions towards others. It is really hard to not give into negative feelings regarding others. It is so easy to hate. It would be so easy to be angry at Michael’s parents for their intolerant views, it would be so easy to be angry at Michael for wanting to cut of ties with them. It would be so easy to be angry at the LDS church for opposing gay rights and funneling money into a political movement (something I see as hate speech and a violation of the seperation of church and state.) Sometimes I want to hate the people who hate.

But I can’t. I know I cannot steer anyone’s mind towards tolerance with hate and anger, that can only be accomplished through compassion and love.

Michael’s parents are good people, Michael is a good person, but I have to recognize that there is a lot of history here. 21 years of history before I ever met or moved in with Michael. Michael’s whole family, as far as I know, are Mormon. Michael, their eldest son, is not, he left the church. Anyone who comes from a family like this knows what kind of tension this causes, though I thought this tension has lessened over time. When I moved in with Michael, I became the bridge between him and his family. I think this gay rights thing is the hair that broke the camels back.

Now the question arises, how can I address this situation with compassion. It would be easy to take sides. To be honest, I am not exactly sure what I am going to do right now. What is easy and what is right are unfortunately not always the same thing. At the moment, I have chosen to support Michael’s decision and mostly stay out of the matter. I have to have faith in his decision regarding his family and I have to trust he made it for the good of our son.

Gay issues rarely come up in family discussions but when it does the words do fly. Do I want Damian in an environment like that? There is a fine line between debating and fighting. I learned a long time ago to tune out fighting, so maybe I missed this building up. Last month at the family potluck Michael and his mother debated about civil liberties, it did not end on a good note because they couldn’t find common ground. The overtone of the argument was morals and seperation of church and state.

I love my in laws. I will not keep them from seeing their grandson or myself but I will also not go out of my way to meet up with them, until I figure out where I stand on this issue. Heart and head are not agreeing at the moment. Where does one draw the line between accepting someone for who they are and condoning negative behavior? Should you give more leniency to family then others?

Some people have asked if we would keep Damian from having friends with hateful views, and while I would hope he would have better sense then to run with people like that, I would not (unless they were drug dealers or something, always extenuating circumstances.) However this question is not relevant at the moment, Damian is a baby, not a child in school. The question is, so should I shelter him from anger, arguments and hate right now, in these early most formative years?

The Dalai Lama has said “The ultimate authority must always rest with the individual’s own reason and critical analysis.” This is a very complex issue, one that I know won’t blow over. I know I must tread lightly and think deeply. Until then I am using the advice my mother has offered me since I was a child. If you have nothing nice to say don’t say anything at all. So for now I am just going to try stay out of this, which admittedly is not the easiest thing for me to do!

Propostion 8 and Hate

If you’ve followed the news lately, you know that California’s Proposition 8, which modifies the state constitution to restrict the definition of marriage to be between a man and a woman, essentially denying the rights of any gay couple to enjoy the benefits of marriage.

What exactly does this mean - here is an exhaustive list of the rights and responsibilities of marriage:

Rights when your spouse passes

• Pensions
• Survivor benefits & payouts
• Continuation of health insurance
• Copyrights
• Water rights
• Wages & workers compensation
• Consent/objection for body donation
• Notice of probate hearings
• Permission to make funeral arrangements
• Funeral & bereavement leave
• Inheritance of property

Rights while married

• Assistance for spouses separated due to military service
• Per diem payments
• Immigration sponsor
• Disability payments and benefits
• Social Security
• Medicaid
• Income Tax deductions, credits, etc
• Preferential hiring for spouses of veterans in government jobs
• Tax-free transfer of property between spouses
• Change of surname when married
• Right to enter into a prenuptial agreement
• Spousal privilege in court proceedings (same concept as doctor-client privilege and attorney-client privilege)

Shared rights of both partners

• Bankruptcy
• Parenting rights
• Visitation rights (hospital, prison)
• Next-of-kin status (emergency medical decisions, wrongful death filings)
• Custody of children, shared property, child support, and alimony after divorce
• Domestic violence intervention
• Access to “family only” services such as reduced rates to certain clubs and organizations
• Adoption and foster care
• Joint tax filing
• Insurance coverage
• Legal status with step-children

Responsibilities

• Spouse income and assets counts when applying for assistance
• Subject to conflict-of-interest rules
• Ineligible to receive survivor benefits upon remarriage

Many of these rights can be given by entering into legal contracts between two people, but many of them can only be given via marriage. Why does marriage have to be limited to between only a man and a woman? There is nothing in this list that would apply differently if the relationship is between a woman and a woman or between a man and a man versus being between a man and a woman.

Why is it that so many people are against denying these rights and responsibilities to two people that love each other?

Are they scared their own marriage won’t mean as much because suddenly gays are allowed to marry? Marriage doesn’t mean much already - just look at the divorce rate in this country. Just because Jane and Joe down the street have a terrible relationship doesn’t mean that your relationship is going to be terrible.

People that are against gay marriage say that it will destroy our society because the children raised by gays are growing up in an unhealthy environment. There are plenty of cases where heterosexual couples don’t love each other. Which is the better environment for the child? With parents that love you and each other, or with parents that don’t love each other? Or even worse, being a single parent.

I have a good friend that is a single parent, she has done an excellent job of raising her daughter. If a single person can do a good job of raising a child, then two people working together can raise an even better child. And I argue that a single parent can do a better job then two people who don’t love each other - as there will always be fighting between the parents, which is not a good environment for a child.

There are many gay couples that want to have children. There are many many many children in this country that need loving parents. Why are we denying the gays the right to adopt and raise these children? The heterosexuals aren’t doing it, why not let the gays? How many of these children raised by “the system” are actually healthy contributing members of society? Most of them are really screwed up. If a gay couple can raise a child in a healthy environment, and it keeps one kid from being really screwed up, then let them!

I plan to raise my children in a way to teach them tolerance. If someone loves another person, they should be able to marry - it doesn’t hurt me or my family in any way, and doesn’t prevent me from raising my family how I want. So I will tolerate them doing what they want with their lives. Live and let live..

All people are equal, whether black, white, man, woman, gay, or straight. Anytime you try to restrict the rights of others, you are preaching hate. I will not tolerate hate around my child.

My parents are LDS, and are very strongly against gay rights. But, they never acted before to inhibit the rights of gays to marry. But that has changed. The LDS church was the source of most of the funding for the proposition 8 campaign. My parents give 10% of their income to the LDS church. So they have indirectly supported the proposition 8 campaign, and so have acted to inhibit the rights of gays to marry. This makes them preachers of hate (as well as any other person who tithes to the LDS church).

So, until my parents recognize the rights of gays to marry, and quit supporting hateful organizations, they will not see my son, and in turn, my wife or myself. I will not tolerate teachings of hate in my home, and will not expose my family to hate.

For my parents to see my son, myself, and my wife again, the following must happen:

• They must write a letter recognizing that they have been hateful, express regret for being hateful, and stating that they have changed their opinion on gay marriage
• They must either quit giving money to the LDS church or the LDS church must stop acting in a hateful way, and recognize the right of gays to marry

Jaspenelle and I have discussed this. She believes it is a very strong stance, but has agreed to go along with it - she very much believes in the rights of people who love each other to marry.

Autumn Equinox

The cool down of Autumn have finally arrived and so has the peak of the harvest season. Fat pumpkins lay in fields, apple branches bend low with heavy yield and the Earth’s bounty overflows the garden and farm. This harvest begs to be enjoyed, but also preserved. Winter’s icy days draw near.

Technically speaking an equinox is a day when the Sun will spend an equal amount of time above and below the horizon. This happens twice a year, in Autumn and Spring. Autumn Equinox is the tipping point into the dark half of the year. Today we are also entering into the sunsign of Libra, her scales are a perfect echo of the light/dark balance of this equinox. Historically speaking, nearly every culture has some form of harvest festival, many celebrated still today.

Megalithic people of ancient Britain and Ireland obviously placed some kind of importance on both the solstices and equinoxes. Otherwise they would not have build stone structures like Stonehenge and Loughcrew Cairn to determine their dates. Their methods of celebrating these days has been long lost to history though.

The ancient Celts constructed a wickerman around this time of the year as well. It was ritually burned to represent the plant spirits returning to the earth to rest until Spring. An incarnation of this ancient idea has been reborn in recent years in the Burning Man Project, a yearly festival celebrated in the Autumn in Nevada. A giant wickerman is constructed and burned at the height of the week long festival.

The Mayans constructed a sacred pyramid called Chichen Itza, which acted in a similar way to the stone structures of the Megalithic people of Britain and Ireland. On the day of the Autumn Equinox a “serpent of light” descends the pyramid until it joins this a huge stone rattlesnake head at its base. (This serpent is actually seven isosceles triangles that are formed from the sunlight hitting the pyramid stairs.)
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Stewart Family Photos

In August, we hired Andrea to do the Stewart family photos (she also did the ones of Michael, Damian and I back in July.) Of course we somehow managed to pick the hottest day of the year to take them (I think it was 105F?) but we brought a water cooler full of Gatorade so it all worked out. We did the photos at Whitman College.

I love the shots Andrea took. I love this one with my father-in-law Greg and Damian. He was so happy to be outside and surrounded by people who love him. Damian is a total people person at the moment.

Here are some of my favorite pictures from the day (my favorite is the one with us all laying on the ground in a circle):

If you are in the Spokane area and looking for a photographer, I strongly recommend Andrea. She is very professional and has a lot of fun, creative ideas for poses. She can even get smiles out of my sisters-in-law! She is still working on her website at the moment, but if you want to get in touch with her let me know!

Mom is Home

So my mom is home, she called me last night to let me know everything is okay. I was worried (hey, I am the daughter, it is my job to worry! hehe) but it was really nice to hear her. I think she scared her mom more then anyone else, since she had to wait in the emergency room with now news for awhile. Poor grandma!

Her heart was going way to fast, 190 instead of 80. They have her on some medication and want to do a small surgery in a few days. I totally think she should come to Spokane to have it done, we have world-class cardiologists running out heart and vascular programs. They probably don’t want her in a plane right now though.

Okay, I am not sure how drilling a hole in her heart is a small surgery but I am going to put faith in the fact the doctors probably know what they are talking about.

Of course she explained it that way and she is prone to use terns like “Burn a hole in my frigging heart” rather then “small incision for [x-reason]” but I assume doctors don’t make a regular business of cutting a hole in someones heart and just leaving it there. Maybe they will put a pacemaker in or something. She has to cut way way way back on the smokes too, so we will see how that goes.

Luckily she bought travelers insurance right before she left Canada (this happened in Indianapolis) so she won’t have to flee across borders from medical bills or anything. I think she cashed in some good karma on that blessing. She might still go back to Canada for the surgery though.

Anyhow it was nice to hear her, I’m going to call and check on her today. I’ll keep you all updated. Thanks for all your comments, emails and tweets yesterday, I really appreciate it.

Mom

My brother called me today and the moment I realized it was him and the ton of his voice, my mind when “oh shit”. Don’t get me wrong, my brother and I do talk, he just normally doesn’t call me, especially not at 2am his time.

My mom was taken to the hospital via ambulance today for cardiac arrhythmia. She was driving in Indianapolis with my uncle and grandma when she started having problems. I don’t know much more then that right now. I am going to call my uncle shortly but I am super worried.

My mother and I just really started reconnecting after years. I was just on the phone with her a couple weeks ago. I’m not ready for anything bad to happen - though I doubt I will ever be.

Anyhow, any prayers, positive energy or whatnot would be appreciated.