Weight and Stuff
(I think it is funny that Aos is the only one looking at the camera…)
I know this is going to sound horribly petty, but I am really tired of gaining weight.
I know, I know… It is because of the baby and I can loose it afterwards but for some reason it is really getting me down today. Might be because of the guy who called me a fat cow on the bus plaza escalator today. The women standing behind me ripped him a new one after hearing it but still. It bugged me.
I took the stairs back down after, just thinking about the escalator made me want to cry. Oh well… I suppose that it is better for me to take them anyways. I get really winded really easily lately the baby is sitting so high, I am sure I have lungs somewhere in there… I am really looking forward to the baby engaging, even if that does crush my bladder.
Then I got stuck beside a meth addict on the bus and she was picking her scabs and fidgeting. Though I feel sorry for the situation she has found herself in, I had to move. It was driving me nut and I wanted to yell at her that she was throwing her life away. Which wouldn’t have helped her, it would have made me feel bad if I had anyhow.
I’m just so tired, it is really hard to get restful sleep anymore and I have to get up at 4:45 every morning for work. I put in my two weeks at work yesterday, somehow it made me feel weak to do that though I know it was the right choice for me. I expected to stay till the end of May. Maybe I am being too hard on myself.
I am randomly emotional lately too, it makes me feel like I am losing my mind. I am happy 95% of the time but that 5% really sucks. I was holding a baby quilt my mother-in-law made when I got home and just started crying and I couldn’t stop. I wasn’t sad or lonely, I just wanted to cry, so I did. Michael’s support helps beyond words of course but I know my mood swings are not the easiest things to handle. He tells me without prompting how beautiful I am and how much I mean to him. I know he means it and his sincerity feels so beautiful. It makes me feel beautiful too.
I am so ready to meet this baby.
6 more weeks.
I just want a hug.