Michael and Jaspenelle

Baby(ies?)

So I have my midwife appointment yesterday and I haven’t gained any weight (no cause for alarm) but my belly is measuring larger then it should be. This means one of two things, I am further along then I think, or there is more then one fetus in there. Possible too much information ahead.

Though I don’t think you can ever be 100% sure on your dates, I have only had one menstrual cycle since giving birth to Damian, which began April 1st and lasted for 10 days and was very heavy at some points. Three days longer then my former normal, but who knows what my norm is anymore, it was my first! I started throwing up when I was “suppose to” and generally speaking my pregnancy symptoms have matched where I think I am (12 weeks.)

My midwife uses a doppler instrument to measure the fetal heartbeat (it looks like an ultrasound wand if you know what that is) but had a hard time keeping track of my passenger. He or she was either incredibly active or I have a heartbeat on either side of my uterus. According to a friend, only Dr Who can have two hearts, I wouldn’t know but I’ll take his word for it!

So on July 16th I have an ultrasound scheduled to see what’s going on in there. I won’t know right away as the tech cannot tell me my “diagnosis” (makes it sound like pregnancy is a disease doesn’t it?) as some other specialist has to look at the results and then contact my midwife and then she will call me. (Convoluted!) But I intend on watching that screen like a hawk, I know what Damian looked like in this, if it looks different think I’ll know. Especially if there are two black voids with little flickering heartbeats in them, that would be kind of hard to hide.

I’ll be completely honest and say I am kind of hoping my dates are off, not because I will not adore twins if that is the case, it just feels kind of overwhelming right now. One has been challenging enough through all the diapers, teething, feedings, bathing etc and I just imagine that times two. Did you know that since before Damian was born I have had reoccurring dreams of having a little boy first and then fraternal twins, one boy and one girl? That might have me a little nervous too.

We’ll see I guess, right?

At the Lake

Do you have any idea how hard it is to pick things up when the adults stick one of these bubble things on you?!

Review: Summer Infant Extra Tall Walk-Thru Gate

So I wrote this review once already, Wordpress ate it, but I am stubborn so here it is again.

Until now we have used 2 24″ pressure mounted baby gates (the standard inexpensive ones) on either end of our hallway to keep Damian off the basement steps. Not only are they very steep but they are also open with only one railing (which is out of Damian’s reach.) However Damian is tall for his age and a climber so the low gates are no longer a valid safety option.

Cue the Summer Infant - Sure & Secure Extra Tall Walk-Thru Gate, which we purchased for about $60 at K-Mart. It is a 3 foot tall metal pressure gate that comes with mounting hardware. It is important to mount gates at the top of stairs as pressure gates can slide against walls, creating a big safety issue. The Summer Infant gate has a child-locked walk-thru door too so that you don’t have to be an Olympian gymnast to get down the stairs. Since this gate is both a pressure and mounted one is has a very short bar across the bottom that you have to step over, but that hasn’t been an issue for me. Just use a bit of caution.

This gate should fit any opening between 28″ and 47.5″ and has two extension panels which allow for this. However if you door frame falls between a 1/2″ measurement between each extension piece (32.5″ to 33″, 37.5″ to 38″, and 42.5″ to 43″) it won’t fit without a little modification. In other words it will become an enormous pain to install. Our home is old and the basement door frame is slightly crooked. The bottom of the door falls between 32.5″ and 33″ and therefor just barely too small to fit an extension piece. We fixed this by using an narrow inch thick strip of wood along one side of the door frame, we then used 2″ screws (rather then the 1″ screws included with the mounting hardware) to mount that side of the gate (see right photo above.) Still, if your opening falls in those ranges and you do not have a garage full of miscellaneous wood or the handyman skills, do not buy this gate.

As for what I like about the Summer Infant gate. The gate only swings one way, so that you can install it so that it does not swing above the stairs. The child-lock is well designed but still easy for an adult to operate. The gate itself is metal and seems very sturdy and durable. I don’t see myself replacing it or having any parts failing for a long time (knock on wood!) It is also 3 feet tall which is daunting for Damian but not so overwhelming that Aos cannot jump over it. (If you have a disable, older or obese cat I can see where it’s height might have an issue for the stairs.) With a permanent gate at the top of the stairs I no longer have to constantly trip over step over the two shorter gates in the hallway too, and Damian enjoys doing the house loop now as well!

Would I recommend the gate? I added another one to the baby registry for the deck stairs so I obviously like it, but if your child is average height and not a climber, it is probably not necessary. There are cheaper shorter mounted gates out there. However if you have a toddler who is a climber and tall for his or her age, as well as a set of dangerous stairs, then I would go as far to say a tall gate is not only useful, but necessary. I think the Summer Infant - Sure & Secure Extra Tall Walk-Thru Gate fits the bill fantastically well.

Willow Bay

I might have a special place in my heart for Willow Bay because it is the first place I met Michael’s parents, almost 5 years ago now (wow, time flies…) A lot has changed since then but I still love that place. Willow Bay Resort is right on the Spokane River near Nine Mile (and about 45 minutes from our home.) My in-laws have a membership there so that they “camp” in one of the trailers on the grounds, but you can also pitch just tent.

On Friday Michael and I took Damian up there for the first time. Not to camp, but just for a nice dinner picnic with his family. We drove through quite a few rain showers on our way, but it was beautiful for the whole evening once we arrived. My father-in-law, Greg, grilled up steak for dinner and my mother-in-law, Kim, made her wonderful potato salad. Damian had lots of fun hanging out with his cousin Emily and running around like the crazy nature loving maniac he is.

I think it is so important for children to spend time as possible outside. Damian and I hang out in the backyard, go on walks and play in the park several times a week (if not every day.) Damian adores the outdoors, it fills him with more life, smiles and laughter then anything on the tube ever could. It also wears him out more and makes for longer naps, which I love (does that sound horrible?) since they give me time to blog!

So what is my favorite part of Willow Bay? I love it all but if I had to pick one thing, it would be all the colorful birdhouses. There are three of four of them on almost every tree along the main path. It looks like children painted most of them, which always makes me smiles. I think Damian will like projects like that when he is older. This is my favorite grouping of birdhouses (probably because of the sign):

Michael has the next few days at work, so you can probably expect another nature loving post soon as we are going to the annual Pagan Campout at Priest Lake this weekend. I am almost finished a garden update too (everything growing so fast!) but I have to wait for the rain to let up to grab some new photos. Oh and as always you can find more photos from our evening at Willow Bay in our photo gallery.

My Birthday Party

Saturday was my birthday and Mommy and Daddy threw me a big party! I helped Mommy pick out my awesome dinosaur overalls to make sure I looked extra adorable and I managed to get even more snuggles then usual because of my big face booboo. A couple hours before my party Daddy was helping me down the deck stairs, and I decided I was going to try the last one all by myself (I am a year old after all!), but I slip and face-planted right into the walkway. It looks a lot worse then it feels but I still got the extra snuggles!

Almost everyone I know came, Cheyenne, Caswallon, Ileen, Michelle, Mikcos, Nathan, Ben, Laurie, Peter, Andrea, Ariella, Lydia, Grandpa and Grandma Stewart, Ginanne, Jordan and Emily. We had a big barbecue with hotdogs, hamburgers and corn-on-the-cob, Mommy is the grill master!

Afterwards we did my presents! I received spiritual gifts from almost everyone for my altar as well as a whispered blessing (they all made me smile!) I received a cool dragon tealight holder and yellow stone egg from Michelle, Mikcos and Nathan; color runes from Cheyenne (these are wooden disks she painted with colors and put in a red bag, so pretty!); an awesome piece of obsidian from Peter and Andrea; a spider plant in a RED (can you tell I like that color?) pot from Laurie and Ben; a shiny CTR dogtag from Ginanne, Jordan and Emily; and really pretty book from Grandma and Grandpa Stewart, Ariella and Lydia. They also gave me an outfit and super cool wooden building blocks. All of these gifts were in a big shiny RED radio flyer wagon from Grandpa Tolman.

After presents came my cake! Mommy made me an whole-wheat applesauce cake shaped like the moon. It looked awesome and tasted even better! I think Mommy actually thought I was going to stay clean for a minute, but nooo, people need the grubby cake photo, so I was happy to oblige.

My birthday was so fun! I had a wonderful time, I can’t wait till my next year! (And there are lots more photos from my party here.)

A Year of Love

Happy Birthday Damian!

We love you so much and are so proud of you! You will always be our little superman.

A Year of Cloth Diapers

One more day to go until our little man turns one! I have 48 ears of corn ready for the bbq, lemonade, burgers and hotdogs all ready to go. It is suppose to be cloudy but hopefully the rain will hold off till Sunday as they are predicting.

Birthday preparations aside, I still need to wash diapers today. I need to wash diapers every day. 365 days of diapers. One and five are poopy. Damian eats solids now so his poop is so colorful sometimes I wonder if it could be used for some kind of divination technique. Not to mention the smell after certain food groups, wow that can be mind altering all on its own. Morning sickness and poop do not mesh well. My washer and drier are my basement god and goddess, is that weird?

Oh, were you eating lunch? I’m sorry.

Seriously though, I am still glad we cloth diaper and you really do get use to the poppy diapers. And really if that is the only thing keeping you from cloth diapering, then you are in for a shock, because you will get it on you whether you use disposables or cloth. Since my initially post all those months ago about our choice to go with cloth we have had to buy new ones once, in the next size up. In the 0-15 pound prefold size we purchased 36, but in the 15 to 30 pound size we only bought 18. In retrospect, I wish we would have gotten more, maybe 24, so I didn’t have to do laundry quite so frequently.

This week we ordered 18 bumGenius all-in-one diapers, which are basically a super pimped out version of the cloth diaper. No pins/snappies, no prefolds and covers, these bad boys look and work pretty much like a disposable. Very user-friendly. However at 15 bucks a pop, they are by no means cheap (prefolds are about $1.50 in comparison) making them the most expensive thing my child will ever have the pleasure of pooping in. *knocks on wood and hides her cashmere shawl* We decided on the bumGenius all-in-ones for two reasons, we needed more diapers anyways, especially since we will be going camping for three days during summer solstice and we have a child who thinks diapers are the devil and will fight tooth and nail through a diaper change. bumGeniuses go on and come off very easily, you can even change a diaper with the baby standing, which honestly sounds as close to sweet victory as I am going to get. Besides, you can get orange ones too, how cool is that?

I didn’t just say bad boys when referring to diapers in the last paragraph did I? Oh goddess…

Have we used disposables too? Yes, three times. When he was first born because a newborn’s first bowel movements (called meconium) look and feel like stick tar, when we moved and did not have access to a washer and drier and when him and I have the flu. I could not handle the smell of diarrhea at all, so we used pampers until that cleared up. Disposables definitely still have their place in my world.

Will we be cloth diapering the new baby? Definitely! It is so much easier then I initially thought it would be, even with the current diaper battles. Damian’s old diapers are still in great condition (the ones he is in now are a little worn from walking but should last as well, especially with 18 more on the way.) Having our own washer and drier is an enormous blessing, if we had to share ones (as with many apartments) we probably would not cloth diapers, or we would use a diaper service.

But what about EC you ask? For the new to my blog, EC (elimination communication/infant potty training) is learning your baby’s cues from birth for the bathroom and then taking him to it. We still do EC. I catch about 25% to 50% of his cues on any given day, he always uses the potty in the morning and after naps and will usually hold it until someone helps him onto the potty. He almost never goes in his diaper when we are out or at night anymore. EC was much easier before he started walking but now that he is almost tall enough to get on his little potty by himself, I am hoping he will start to show interest in doing so. We will see. For anyone considering EC for their baby, it takes a lot of dedication, but I still feel it has been worth it.

Speaking of Damian, he hear him waking from his nap, so to the potty we go! And then to vacuum, and finish the dishes and scrub the deck, and walk the plank… Have a great day!

A Year of Bed-Sharing

(Can you believe Damian was two months old here? Look at those squishy cheeks, that is enough to melt this mommy’s heart.)

Our choice to bed-share with Damian is probably the parenting practice I talk the least about. I have always felt that more families in this country bed-share then statics illustrate (even if they didn’t set out to do so,) especially when the mother breastfeeds, but that the societal taboo regarding it keeps them all but silent too.

Bed-sharing (also called the family bed or co-sleeping) is a practice in which children sleep with one or both parents, as opposed to being in a crib. According to wikipedia, it has been widely practiced historically and is still standard practice in many parts of the world, and is practiced by a significant minority in countries where infant beds are also used.

Why did we chose to bed-share? The reason at the very top of that list would be breastfeeding. Damian falls asleep at the breast and is difficult to move, when I lay down to feed him, I often fall asleep too. Seems like a match made in heaven doesn’t it? It became so natural to breastfeed at night that Damian quit waking up to find a breast, which was really nice (not having to sooth a baby back to sleep.)

The number one question I am asked regarding bed-sharing is if I have ever worried about crushing/suffocating/otherwise maiming Damian in my sleep. The first night we brought him home I did, but I haven’t since. Honestly, there has never been a time when something even scared me about Damian laying between Michael and I. Normally Damian and I sleep on our sides, facing each other. His head rests on my elbow so that my arm very naturally wraps around cradles him in his sleep. When I roll over (if he needs to switch sides to eat) I hold him lightly to my chest and the transition is easy, not even waking him up. If his breathing changes at night or he fusses even a tiny amount for any reason I instantly wake up. I don’t think any of those indicates I am a light sleeper or hypersensitive, they are just instincts I naturally have as a mother. I don’t worry about Michael either, he has the his own protective Daddy instincts.

It is important that bed-sharing bed done properly though. I say properly because people often tell me bed-sharing horror stories when they find out we do about the death of a child because of bed-sharing. Not surprisingly these stories seem to always involve a parenting on drugs or who is drunk or one who has health problem (sleep apnea for example.) Getting drunk or high and passing out on your baby is not bed-sharing, it is child abuse.

I am also asked if I worry about him being co-dependent. While my proof is anecdotal, Damian is a very independent one-year-old, so I really have no worries. There is some research that has been done that seems to show there are actually quite a few benefits to bed-sharing. Since I am not here to talk to into doing it, I’ll just link anyone interested to an article about bed-sharing and the research that has been done.

People also ask me if Michael and my intimacy took a hit since we bed-share. (Dad, skip this paragraph unless you want to be mentally scarred again.) Yes, it took some adjustment. Yes, we have sex less. But people, you can have sex in other places then a bed and just because you bed-share does not mean a baby cannot be laid down elsewhere for a short nap. So yes, sex takes more planning, but I am pregnant again so obviously something happened. I hear couples who use cribs talk about a decline in sexual activity too, so I don’t think it is really as big an issue as it seems. Where there is a will, there is a way, right?

How long will we bed-share? Michael and I actually bought Damian a toddler bed four days ago. We knew that we did not want to move him to a crib, so Michael and I decided to waited until Damian was completely competent at getting in and out of our bed (which he has been for about a month.) We didn’t want to rush him into his own room, so his new bed is currently between the wall and my side of the bed (see thumbnail, his Grandma Stewart made that quilt by the way!) Damian has been taking his nap in it and I lay him down after his night feeding for bed time. He doesn’t stay in it all night yet, and I am not forcing him to, but every night he stays in it a little bit longer. (I am a big fan of gradual transitions.) If I was not pregnant, I would probably let him bed-share longer, but I want him to be well adjusted to sleeping on his own well before the new baby arrives so that the does not feel that he is being evicted and replaced.

I want to re-emphasize, bed-sharing is definitely not for everyone. Just like our other parenting decisions, the key to making bed-sharing work is that Michael and I decided on it together while looking at the needs of our child. Both of us like bed-sharing and neither of us get high, drunk or have medical conditions that impact our sleeping habits. Ultimately we made a choice that we felt was the healthiest for Damian and in the end that is all that matters to us.

It’s Official!

I had my first appointment with my midwife Linda (who helped birth Damian) and heard the baby’s heartbeat, that means it is official, I am pregnant!

I know that most of you probably already suspected or knew that. For those who visit my site, Michael enabled the counter and registry in the right hand tool bar when the home test came up positive. I didn’t want to announce till after the first appointment though, and not on Damian’s birthday. That is his big day, this Saturday!

So the details… I am about 8 weeks along, my due date is January 6th. How much do you want to bet I will go into labor on my birthday (January 9th?) Michael is hoping for December 31st though, that way we get the tax stuff that comes with a baby for 2009, hehe. In the end, we just want another healthy baby (and preferably just one, too many dreams of twins flying around for my liking.) Our little family is growing!

Damian is going to be a big brother!

A Year as a Stay-at-Home Mom

Why did I decide to become a stay at home mother? I almost feel a post about this topic needs some kind of disclaimer. Something along the lines of:

Warning: Do Not Get Your Panties In A Knot If You Are A Working Mother. I Have Nothing Against You, Your Child(ren), Or Your Decision. I Am Sure You Are A Wonderful Mother. The Following Post Are Simply MY PERSONAL Reasons For Making A Different (not wrong, but different!) Choice.

Seriously, to be or not to be a SAHM (stay-at-home mother) is a hot topic in the mommy communities, sometimes the debate gets downright vulgar. I have been told more then once that I am a disgrace to the feminist movement and setting “the cause” back decades by being a stay-at-home mother. I hope that most working mothers do not feel this way, I definitely don’t think that working women are inferior. Can’t we all just get along? Anyhow…

Several factors contributed to my choice to be a stay-at-home mother. What was my husband’s opinion? Was it financially feasible? What did I want from my life?

Michael would have supported me either way but in the end, I feel he is content with my decision. Both his an my mother stayed at home, some one could argue it was only a natural decision for us to make. I think it is more then that though. As far as some are concerned, staying at home makes me a doormat. I am certainly not a doormat at the beck and call of some man who lords over me as though I am property. Michael and I make a great team, we are lord and lady of this household and share in it duties. Sure, I do more housework, but then he goes to work everyday and does money generating work. I say it is a fair trade-off. My mother or my mother-in-law fall into the doormat category for that matter.

Financially, it actually made more sense for me not to be employed. Since I lack a college education, my entire wage would have gone towards childcare anyways, which seemed pretty pointless. Besides, to be honest, I really do not like working for someone else. At home, I am mistress of my domain, which is really pretty sweet. Sometimes I do miss the social interaction that comes with service industry jobs, but then I remember the enormous amount of people who were rude to me. At least I only have one person throwing food at me now, and he is a heck of a lot cuter (and doesn’t drink hot coffee…) In the end I could always join a parenting group or walk to the park if I need to find someone to chat with, or call one of my friends of course.

I suppose in giving up a job I am giving up a certain amount of “Me” time. During a workday (lunch hour, breaks, on the way to and from work) I could grab that haircut or do those little errands that are way more challenging as a stay-at-home mom, but it does all balances it out in the end. Michael gives me little Mommy Time so that I can grab that soaking bath, or weed the garden, or whatever I need to do to center myself. Damian and him had a guys afternoon a month ago so that I could go buy some clothes with my friends which was wonderful. Sometimes I spend Damian’s nap time working on a personal project (like knitting, drawing mandalas or blogging.) Yes, it is harder to find me time, but I have also found that it is less important then I initially anticipated too.

What do I want from life? This is the trickiest question of the lot. I want to be happy of course, but what does that mean for me? Can happiness be found at work, going back to college to learn a new skill, dedicating my entire day and night to the nurturing of a child? Seriously, all of those have their pros and cons, but I chose to stay home because the thought of leaving my child with someone every day was just to heart wrenching for me to contemplate. I don’t want to miss one milestone, not the first smile, the first step, the first word, even the first big bump and bruise. I want to be the one to kiss those young and tender hurts away and cheer on the accomplishments. Is that selfish? Maybe. Does it make me happy? Usually. Is Damian happy? I think so. I feel I am fulfilling his needs the best I can because of my decision to stay home, and that makes me truly happy.

There use to be a commercial on tv that said “having a baby changes everything” and I didn’t realize how true that was until we brought Damian home. No transition that big is easy, choosing to stay at home or not is only one aspect of the many choices that factor into life-after-labor. There have been moments where I have wanted to throw a mommy tantrum and run screaming from the house to find “real people” to talk to, but truly, those moments have been few and far between. I feel really blessed that I have been able to chose this life. I feel like I am where I suppose to be and I think that ultimately that is really what matters.