Michael and Jaspenelle

The Shape of a Mother

While talking about postpartum bodies the other day another mother said:

“This belly button is 3 generations in the making: my mama gave it to me and my babies decorated it.”

That was enough to make me look at my postpartum body in a completely different light. I am not ugly, I don’t need to hide away until “ideal beauty” is reached again (as if that were even possible, or desirable.) Michael has been telling me daily that I am beautiful, inside and out. He is right, I am beautiful.

Carrying Damian has changed me forever, I am learning to love this change, after all I wouldn’t have him if not for it.

The Shape of a Mother

My belly may or make not shrink. I am at peace with that.
36-inches around and I have never felt more beautiful.
A number cannot define me, I will not give it that power.
Body, mind and soul I am balanced and I am healthy,
– waist size notwithstandingl
This body brought forth life.
What greater beauty is there then that?

I am the vessel from which life poured.
I am a mother.

These stretch marks will always be with me.
Commericals may tell me to laser them off,
– but I love them all.
My son has changed my soul forever, for the better.
My body too is changed forever, for the better.
These marks are my tattoo of motherhood.

I have crossed a threshold.
I am a mother.

My hips are bigger, my old jeans don’t fit.
These hips birthed my son, they are beautiful.

My breasts are bigger, they soak my shirts.
These breasts nourish my son, they are beautiful.

My heart and my soul are bigger, my emotions overflow.
This heart and this soul love my son, they are beautiful.

I am a mother.
I am strong.
I am beautiful.

I am a mother.

~ by Jaspenelle Stewart

I may submit this to The Shape of a Mother, not sure yet. Eitherway, check out the website and all the beautiful mamas who have contributed. I think we can all agree that the mainstream view of beauty has to change, we can begin this change within ourselves and the minds of our children.

Scrap.b.o.s.ing

(My craft workspace, in the corner of the nursery.)

I seem to have developed a fixation for scrapbooking lately, or more particularly scrapbooking my Book of Shadows (for my non-Pagan readers that is a book that I keep all my spiritual research, essays and notes in, it is not a book for me, but a D-ring binder.)

I have always loved scrapbooking but it was a hobby I swore I would never get into because of the apparent staggering cost scrapbooking can reach. I was in Joanns today and some papers sell for $5 a piece! (Considering I only had $7 to spend, that paper was out of the question, no matter how glorious it was.) Not to mention the cost of all the cool types of stamps, scissors, punches, stickers, embellishments galore which, well, are enough to make this crafter drool and frugally cringe at the same time.

Luckily I have superhuman powers of restraint (or I am just an anally frugal b…witch) and only spent $6.59. I bought a #2 x-acto knife (using a 40% off coupon), a 3/4″ stencil brush, and a 4-pack of stencil blanks (these are plastic sheets you use to make your own stencils.) Now I can make some border stencils for my Book of Shadows pages! Yay, scrapbooking!

But, wait! What about my aforementioned promise to myself about not scrapbooking?!

That promise apparently broke itself without my conscious knowledge a few weeks ago, all because I I decided that I needed to organize my craft supply closet. (This might seem like an odd way to find a new hobby, but trust me, it is not was weird as it sounds, at least, not in my world.) While organizing, I found some leftover fabric from my apron as well as a bag of glass stones. Somehow that discovery ended up distracting me for a couple hours as I made a gloriously orange and blue cover for my Book of Shadows binder. (In my defense, the plain plastic cover was abhorrent to my crafty-sense, when I saw the fabric I “knew” in my mind what it must be used for, I had not choice but to obey said crafty-sense.) The next day upon admiring my bright new orange and blue Book of Shadows, I settled down and flipped it open and nearly screamed in crafter terror.

All the pages in it were so… plain…

Random typed up bits, some handwritten stuff, some torn out pages from magazines and newspapers, all stuffed in sheet protectors in no particular order. Unlike the cover, the guts of my binder did not reflect who I was (yes I am trying to justify the scrapbooking urge here.) I riffled through the pages in despair looking for something that could redeem me when I found a page with an Ojibway poem that I had decorated. I put that in the front of the binder. Beyond that though, there was nothing, just blah pages, so uninspiring I could hardly read them. (Can you tell that I am one of those people who like picture books?)

Instead of wallowing in self-despair (at least after pulling myself out of a couple good hours of it) I decided I rewrite the page about Bealtaine. I got some of the pretty paper from my craft closet (yes, I did end up finishing organizing it) and embellish it with a balsamroot arrowleaf flower I created out of some other pretty paper. That page went in second. I was on a mission now, no doubt sent to me straight from the Goddess.

Poking through My “bits and ends” drawer I then found stickers! These led me to redoing a couple more pages. Scrounging in the drawer some more I found some flower borders I had designed and transfered them to some more pretty paper and redid some gardening pages. Then I found myself up late at night in bed designing a Celtic knot border and redoing the Apple page. Then I…

You can see where this is going right? I found myself unwittingly scrapbooking. It didn’t occur to me till yesterday that is was in fact what I was doing, which made me pause and consider my vow before discarding it. The reason for my vow to not scrapbook was now moot as I have discovered, quite by accident, that it was not a high cost hobby when you do it all yourself (and having an expansive bits and ends drawer helps.) In fact, the way I was approaching it required no money down (until I took my $7 to Joanns today at least. And I can deal with the occasional purchase.)

Ultimately doing it almost all myself is infinitely more rewarding anyhow. I like scrapbooking, it is something completely for me and not dictated by customer deadlines.

The Suitcase

I am a creature possessed by an overwhelming sense of curiosity, for which I hope some cosmic force has gifted me with 9 lives, because I am certain one day it will get me in serious trouble. I simply cannot stand not knowing some things. Gossip and rumor are pointless to me, I am not curious like that. I am curious to the point I need facts as well as being able to see it with my own eyes.

My Aunt Ruth posted the above picture in her blog today and to my great dismay she did not open that suitcase. I understand, of course, that not everyone shares my reckless sense of curiosity but that suitcase has been on my mind for a couple hours now, so much so that I wrote about it, simply to get it off of my mind. Apparently when you are distracted with such a consuming question as “what the heck was in it!?” you do such follies like putting a casserole in the oven to bake and forget to turn on said oven. (Though in the grand scheme of things that is much better then putting something in the oven and forgetting to set the timer.)

The following little prose normally stay well confined to my handwritten journal as I am no great author or poet. If anything it is simply my way of putting such demanding and yet unanswerable questions out of my head. Still, this once I thought I would share this little piece of my personality with you.

I am walking along a river trail, listening to the chorus of birds returning from their Winter abodes. It is a glorious Spring morning, one of those that makes you feel as though each step is a prayer being sent straight to the heart of Gaia.

Squirrels scamper across the trail, some pausing to decide how great of a threat I pose. Once deciding I am simply a harmless waddling pregnant woman they saunter along their way. Twigs and gravel crunch softly beneath my feet, which ache a little, late pregnancy seems to have that effect on all regions of my body. I am walking beside a stone wall, overgrown with a wide variety of weeds who seem to wave at me in the breeze. Springtime brings a playful air to everything.

In my daydreaming state, I almost missed it but something so out of the ordinary has a way of reigning in one’s attention as surely as if it were sounding Assembly of Buglers. There, at the side of the trail beside an old drainage pipe sat a suitcase, looking as though it had been very purposely placed there.

The old peeling leather case teased at my curiosity and I felt like a cat as I stood there mentally sparing with the out of place object. It’s lure had firmly snagged me though and I wandering over to it, looking around to make sure no one was near to witness my approach. Somehow curiosity has a way of making me feel like a common thief.

I sat on the rock ledge beside the suitcase and observed it. It in turn, continued to tease me with its simple mystery. I watched it for couple minutes, gauging whether it was dangerous or not I suppose. There was no odd smell or unidentifiable liquids oozing from it, which mostly ruled out me wandering into a bad CSI show, nor was it ticking (do bombs even do that anymore?) which reassured me that I wasn’t about to test the nine lives theory.

Still, erring on the side of caution (pregnancy has this effect on me) I picked up a stick and did what any 3 or 30 year old would do. I held my breath and poked the suitcase. (I think the birds may have even been holding their breath.)

A sudden rush of adrenaline flowed into me and I tensed up, waiting for… well waiting for something that never came. The suitcase rocked a little before settling back to its mocking self. Feeling encouraged by the non-reaction, I poked it again, harder. Still nothing.

Mustering my courage (or simply giving into my curiosity) I nudged it with my foot. It fell on its side with a dull thud, which admittedly made me jump a little. My hands shook as I reached down to unlatch the lid and I paused for a millisecond before quickly flipping it back. I flinched back a little, perhaps I expected a hoard of wasps to explode out of it. Nothing like that happened though.

I started blankly into the suitcase for a moment before beginning to laugh uncontrollably. With a grin on my face I latched it shut once again and set it back in its place so that it could again cast its lure out to the next curious soul who meandered past. With that done I dusted myself off and continued down the trail, amused and overly-satisfied in my discovery.

So, what do you think I found in the suitcase?

My Aunt went back to see if the suitcase was still there. It was open…

Birthing Necklace

(Click the image for a bigger picture - 1024×768.)

This is how my birthing necklace looks so far (if I receive more beads, it will grow in length of course.) I really like how it has turned out too. I know not all the donated beads are red, but some people have difficulty following directions (I love you grandma and mom.) I find I really don’t mind though, the beads they sent were justified with special meanings which, in this case, were more important than color.

As always, Windigo had to get his adorable little face in my craft picture too. I usually crop him out but I thought he looked exceptional cute here.

Birthing Necklace

These are a few of the beads I have gathered or that people have given me for my birthing necklace. The only criteria I have for it is that donated beads must be red (representing the umbilical cord) and that I would rather they not be plastic. Since all the red beads are from others you can probably tell which ones I added to the lot! Most of our baby’s things are celestial themed, which is why I chose the blue lampwork moon as the focal point and the golden star spacer beads. I am hoping to have it done by May 19th so I can bless it under the full moon ritual.

I was originally going to make the birthing necklace on my own but when one of my friend’s found out I was making it and offered me a red bead to add to it, that idea seemed to hold more power. Now I am receiving more and more beads from people for it. I cannot put into words how blessed that makes me feel! My mother and grandmother are even going to send me a few heirloom ones and I admit, that offer made me cry…

If you are wondering what exactly a birthing necklace is simply a necklace that I will wear or have near me while I am in labor. I didn’t even know there was a term for the idea until I talked to my friend! When our baby is old enough to understand it’s meaning I plan on reworking the necklace into a mala for him.

Beading question

Does anyone know what this type of beading is called? More specifically what is the technique called to attach the beads with links of wire like that? I want to look up what kind of wire I need for it.

Old Speakers Project

(Windigo shown for scale… or cuteness… or because he wouldn’t get off the speakers… Click the thumbnail for a larger image.)

I love recycling, yes I sort my plastics from tin cans but that is not what I mean. I like taking old things and making them new and funky things. Not all my endeavors in this direction turn out right but that doesn’t really ever stop me since the interspersed successes make it all worthwhile. Besides I think reusing old things for new purposes is ultimately more “green” then buying new green products.

So with that said I want to talk about my need for a couple of indoor plant stands and two old stereo speakers Michael has.

When I moved in with Michael these two particular speakers were functional but at some point during one of our three moves they have lost their wires and one is now missing its little speaker. According to Michael is brother made/altered the speakers at some point, which is why one of the speakers is pointing into its box (which seems to be filled with quilting batting? - Justin, why is that?) After they lost their wires they became nightstands for our bed in our last place. In this place, since we now have different nightstands, the speakers just lay on their side in front of our closet doors to prevent Aos from getting in there (also need to find a better solution for that…)

Anyhow, long story longer, I now want to make the speakers into plant stands for the living room. Most of me wants to keep the speaker gadgetry visible because I think it looks cool, but I want to cover the veneer boxes somehow. The veneer is chipped and just yucky, and since the speakers going downstairs, the don’t match the pine wood furniture and a shades of green theme going on.

I was thinking about maybe painting the boxes green, the veneer is not peeling so I feel fairly confident in just painting over it. I am a firm believer in sanding but I admit I have never sanded down veneer, what horrors lie beneath? (My father sugguested I use liquid stripper instead, I’m a little afraid of the harsh chemicals while pregnant though.) Maybe after I get the speakers painted green I will do some kind of fabric decoupage thing to it, but beyond those basic ideas I am rudderless.

So I am asking for your ideas because you guys are an awesome creative force that inspires me.

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Autumn Projects

Magic isn’t only ritual to me, it is a circle that surrounds me all the time with each action in my day. I strive to live every day in a magical way, and while I am not always successful, I know I am on the right path, moving towards optimism and hope. Spirituality is not a nine to five job, spirituality is inviting love and wholeness into every task in every day.

So Autumn is here for us in the Inland Northwest. If you have not been able to tell by the amount I talk about it, I am quite enamored by this lovely season. It inspires and motivates me, and I have a ton of projects I like to work on this time of year. The following is a list of activities I have done or will do this season, most of the stuff is done in “quiet time” in the evenings. (I have crossed out everything that I have completed and italized anything that is in progress or on going.)

Group Activities:

• Celebrate the Autumn Equinox by going to the Fall Festival with friends.
• Maybe attend the Inner Spirit Samhain Gathering, on October 26th, if work schedules permit.
• Attend (and help plan) the local Samhain witches Ball on November 3rd. (Peppylady, are you interested in coming? When we get the details hammered out shortly, I can email you if you would like.)

Decorations and Crafts:

• Decorate my home for Autumn.
• Collect pinecones for the basket by the fireplace.
• Make maple leaf roses (and make a tutorial for them.)
• Gather and press autumn leaves and flowers.
• Carve a pumpkin.
• Make apple dolls.
• Make an Autumn scrapbook with leaves, poems and quotes and photos activities with friends and projects completed.

Cooking:

• Can applesauce and apple pie filling.
• Make mulled apple cider, taste a local wine.
• Make warming foods, stews, soups, chili, apple and pumpkin pie and breads!
• Make popcorn balls. I am not quite sure how to do this, but someone described them to me and they sound sooo tasty!
• Nudge Michael into making his awesome caramels.

Spiritual:

• Set up my ancestor altar.
• Have a solitary ritual honoring my ancestors on Samhain and set an extra place at the table.
• Take a walk on the night of the full moon.
• Start Tai Chi and practice it daily along with my meditation practice.

Other:

What do you plan on doing this season?

Autumn Change

(More of these 6-inch altar wreaths are available on my website.)

Winter is an etching,
Spring a watercolor,
Summer an oil painting,
And autumn is a mosaic of them all.
~ Stanley Horowitz

With the arrival of Autumn, I feel the change of the seasons deep in my bones. The nights are getting longer and cooler, the fields are ripe or nearly ripe, and the leaves are changing to beautiful tones reds, yellows and browns. I find inner peace in this season but am also motivated by it. Maybe it is an ancient instinct telling me to prepare for the Winter.

I have felt under the weather for a few days but the Autumnal energy has been helping me get some stuff done. Spiritually, Autumn seems to have the ability to peal back layers on the heart and show us new, sometimes painful, things about ourselves and others.

Beyond packing for the move, I have been canning beets and apples lately. I have made apple pie the other day (lots of apples, can you tell?!) and today we are having apple yam casserole and broccoli with cheese for supper.

I normally have a ton of seasonal decorations up right now but as we are moving this weekend, they are all in a box. It is a near certainty that that box will be one of the first unpacked.

Delicious autumn! My very soul is wedded to it, and if I were a bird I would fly about the earth seeking the successive autumns.
~ George Eliot

Autumn is here and I love it.